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Fry Daddy! Multiple tanks, reef, seahorse
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I will start


A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes in their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the curbs, until it miraculously came to a halt half way down the mountainside. The car’s occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?
“I know,” said the Branch Manager, “Let’s have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way.”
“No, no,” said the Hardware Engineer, “That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I’ve got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way.”
“Well,” said the Software Engineer, “Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.”
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Two boys are playing football in Central Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dogs neck.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

“Young Giants Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal,” he starts writing in his notebook.

“But I’m not a Giants fan,” the little hero replied.

“Sorry, since we are in New York, I just assumed you were.” said the reporter and starts again. “Little Jets Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific Attack” he continued writing in his notebook.

“I’m not a Jets fan either,” the boy said.

“I assumed everyone in New York was either for the Giants or Jets. What team do you root for?” the reporter asked.

“I’m a Cowboys fan,” the child said.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, “Little ******* Maniac Kills Beloved Family Pet.”
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
A woman standing on a riverbank yells to the blonde on the other side, "Hey, how do I get to the other side of the river?"
The blonde yells back, " you are already on the other side!"
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being outlate the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, “My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble.”
The second deaf man signed back, “Boy you’re lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late.”
The first deaf man asked, “So, what did you do?”
The second man replied, “I turned out the light.”
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot that was supposed to be able to talk. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding.
He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid – the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”
“Don’t worry,” said the auctioneer, “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
One of Rick Spear from five years

Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose.

The hunters objected, saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."

Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.

However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load, and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"

Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.

Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, “Nothing’s any different than it was a minute ago.”

“I know that,” he assured her. “It’s just that this time I’ve lowered my standards.”
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
BOUDREAUX'S NEW TRUCK
One day, Thibodeaux was walking down Convent Street in Labadieville when he saw his buddy Boudreaux driving a brand new pickup. Boudreaux pulled up to him with a wide grin. "Boudreaux, where'd you get that truck?!?" "Paulina gave it to me" Boudreaux replied. "She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?" "Well, Thibodeaux, let me toll you what happened.
We were driving down the Bayou Crab road, in the middle of nowhere. Paulina pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out,
threw off all her clothes and said, 'Boudreaux, take whatever you want!' So I took the truck!"
Thibodeaux said, "Boudreaux, you a smart man! Cuz her clothes wooda neva fit ya!"
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called 'Yam'.
Of course, they want...ed the best for Yam.
When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!
But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .
And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.
Tom Brokaw!
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.
They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw
Because he's just......
Are you ready for this?
Are you sure?
*
*
OK!
Here it is!
*
*
*
*
A COMMONTATER
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
One evening, a young lady, who lived on 23rd Street in Manhattan, discovered that her toilet was clogged. Since she has never dealt with this issue before, nor did she even have a plunger at home, she called the plumber whose number she saw on one of the ads in the subway. He claimed to be able to unclog any pipe and go where no plumber went before.

At the appointed time, the plumber showed up with a helper. He inspected the toilet and asked his helper for the simple snake. When that failed, he asked for the special toilet pump in size 1. When he used it, he realized the clog needed a much larger tool and asked for pump in size 2, then 3 and then 4. When all failed, he decided to skip right to size 10.

The young lady got worried and exclaimed, “10? I don’t want you to destroy my toilet, just unclog it.”

The plumber assured her not to worry and said the size was just based on the size of the item that was causing the clog. He started the pump and after a few seconds, he saw an item show up in the toilet. At first he thought it was just a large hair ball, but when he pulled it out, he realized it was a whole person! He asked the young man:

“What the heck are you doing here?”

“Me???” exclaimed the man, “What the heck are YOU doing? I was just trying to take a crap at my apartment on 24th Street when I got pulled in.”
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
There's a guy with a Doberman Pincher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pincher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead." They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pincher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in.
A guy at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Doberman Pincher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The guy at the door says, "A Doberman Pincher?"
He says, "Yes, they're using them now, they're very good."
The guy at the door says, "Come on in."
The guy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The guy at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"
The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?"
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and said, "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has four boys, four girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said "I am the Father of hundreds," and went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly... but on leaving the bus, he leaned over and said, "Well, maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."
 
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