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SIPPING VODKA

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, " When I am worried about getting nervous
on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start
to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following
note on the door:

[1] Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

[2] There are 10 commandments, not 12.

[3] There are 12 disciples, not 10.

[4] Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

[5] Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ***.

[6] We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

[7] The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Daddy, Junior and the spook.

[8] David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.

[9] When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.

[10] We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

[11] When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,
"take this and eat it for it is my body."
He did not say " Eat me".

[12] The Virgin Mary is not called, "Mary with the Cherry".

[13] The recommended grace before a meal is not:
Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

[14] Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at
St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
 
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