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I felt the need to post a separate post about this post: http://thereeftank.com/forums/showthread.php?t=76530

AdamG....(and any guy always fighting with their wives about your hobby)

your wife (and my wife) are totally jealous about the amount of time we spend on our hobby.

any time-consuming hobby (like aquariums, softball leagues, poker-nights, watching sports, tinkering with the car, surfing the internet)....are all seen as you having an INDIRECT-AFFAIR with THAT activity...if we spend an inordinate amount of time doing it.

we see the hobby as a way to let off stress from our work-careers and something that makes us HAPPY.... she sees it as a time-barrier in between you and her...she knows there is only so much time to share with you outside your work-career.

you may not know it but your wife (and my wife) are constantly CALCULATING the amount of time we spend on our hobby versus the time we spend talking WITH THEM over the dinner-table, sitting down watching TV with them, time talking in the car and talking in bed.

SOLUTION = make 2 nights a week devoted to your hobby. make 2 nights a week devote to talking to her.

YOU DO THIS and you will have a HAPPY marriage and a HAPPY hobby (and not lead thyself towards reasons for a divorce)....I'm serious
 

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I agree.....men and prob. some women when we come home from work we need our "cave man time" time where we are left alone to wind down for the day and then we can talk and become more social.

I am fortunate I work 3pm to 11pm and my wife is sleeping when i get home so I have Cave man time until our mutual days off. I think that we also appreciate our time together more as well. (it prob. hepls that we are still newly wedds.) LOL
 

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cornetet said:
ISOLUTION = make 2 nights a week devoted to your hobby. make 2 nights a week devote to talking to her.
What about the other 3 nights?
 

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Sponge-tastic!!
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I am fortunate enough to have a wife who shares the same enthusiasm that I do for this hobby. She's not much of a reef geek, but she helps with water changes, top-off and has been uber-supportive of this new 75g reef build. As long as I take care of her Sexy Shrimp and Feather Dusters, she's a happy girl. :D
 

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saltwater_wannabe said:
I am fortunate enough to have a wife who shares the same enthusiasm that I do for this hobby. She's not much of a reef geek, but she helps with water changes, top-off and has been uber-supportive of this new 75g reef build. As long as I take care of her Sexy Shrimp and Feather Dusters, she's a happy girl. :D
Considering it's my wifes fault that we got into the hobby....... It didn't require much for me to twist her arm to allow me to get a 125 so I could have my Eel and Lionfish....:dance:
 

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Stinky Slimey FEESH
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I'm going to put in my $.02 since I am "the wife" - - the only way my husband and I have survived 30 years of marriage is to let each other enjoy hobbies, friends, family, trips alone when necessary. My husband is a great guy, he supports my reef addiction as long as it doesn't bankrupt the family - and I support his hobbies too! We pool our money and decide how much can be allotted to each person's "list of things to buy".

Moderation and compromise with a splash of humor is key!

HHC
 

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I agree with hardhead cat.

I know some people just don't have it as good as I do, but whenever I hear folks talk about how you have to work hard to make a marraige work out... I kinda laugh. If my wife was a chore, I'd say I'd married the wrong gal.

My wife is my #1 hobby. Pinball and my tanks come second by a VERY decided margin. And this is all my decision. I don't have to schedule time to be with her, I have to schedule time to get the other things done. I hate going to the LFS without her. A major factor in buying a pinball is how much she likes it. I love playing pinball, but when you mix pinball and my wife, you get a little piece of heaven. If I could find a game that she loved and wanted to play every single night, even if I hated the game, I would trade all 6 of my restored machines for it.

And lets see, we started dating in the summer of 94, we got married in Nov 99, first child in May 03, and #2 due up in Nov of this year. And every day I love her more than I did the previous.

wow, mushy stuff OFF now!
 

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Sumpless Girl
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im on the other end. hubby gets jealous when i spend too much time in the "fish room"
i tell him i have to see whats going on, how else will i know if someone is sick or if the water isnt right lol
im a stay at home mommy and he works at home, so were together like 24/7...but still the fishees come between us :funny:
 

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mitchelWB said:
but whenever I hear folks talk about how you have to work hard to make a marraige work out... I kinda laugh. If my wife was a chore, I'd say I'd married the wrong gal.
Agreed.. If you need to work hard at being happy in your marriage, then something is seriously wrong..
 

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Cylenchar said:
Agreed.. If you need to work hard at being happy in your marriage, then something is seriously wrong..
I had to jump in on this one. I believe the insanely high divorce rate in this country goes to show that maybe folks should start putting some work into their marriages. Just my $.02.
 

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I'm with Mitchel on this one! I love being with my wife. We go everywhere together. If it weren't for her carrying our health insurance, I'd have her quit her job and become my apprentice. I would never go to the LFS without her (unless it was an emergency). July 2nd will be our 29th anniversary. I started dating her when she was 14 and I was 16. I married her as soon as she graduated high school. No regrets!!:beer:
 

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tsoperator said:
I had to jump in on this one. I believe the insanely high divorce rate in this country goes to show that maybe folks should start putting some work into their marriages. Just my $.02.
I think that they need to put the work in before the marriage to make sure that they are marrying the right person.
 

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A Wise man once told me that "Love is like a bank". You can't keep making withdrawals without making a few deposits, or the bank will run out.
 

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whatevva said:
A Wise man once told me that "Love is like a bank". You can't keep making withdrawals without making a few deposits, or the bank will run out.
Does that still count if you married a sugar mama?

(not that I did. Hell, my wife had never even left Kansas when I met her. And we only lived about an hour from the state line!)
 

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Tang Lover
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Cylenchar said:
I think that they need to put the work in before the marriage to make sure that they are marrying the right person.
I think you nailed it here.

I was married once before...failed. Not due to a lack of work, but because we weren't right for each other.

Society/family raises us with this subconsious desire to get married. Every relationship, in the back of our head, we're thinking..."is this one the one I'll marry?" Even before you really know what the relationship's like.

Marriage is a great thing...but should NOT be the goal in EVERY relationship.

Point being, I think too many of us (me included) get married for the wrong reasons, and definitely way to young. There are exceptions.

But I'm married again...and this time, it really is effortless. From time to time there's some work...but not really a whole lot. I can only attribute that to the fact that I TRULY waited for the right person this time. Didn't settle...or resign to making this relationship work. It just did. It worked.

As opposed to having someone, and MAKING it work.

I think Pink Floyd said it best: "Was it love? Or the idea of being in love?"

my 2 cents.
 

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mitchelWB said:
I know some people just don't have it as good as I do, but whenever I hear folks talk about how you have to work hard to make a marraige work out... I kinda laugh. If my wife was a chore, I'd say I'd married the wrong gal.
I disagree that marriage should be so EASY that you dont have to put any work into it.....if a relationship starts out like that, I think over time your relationship will DRIFT-APART without some FOCUSED-WORK on your part.

by the term "WORK".... I mean a "caring and attentive effort"

Relationship with your Spouse: you have to WORK at keeping the lines of communication open, you have to WORK at keeping in contact with their NEEDS, you have to WORK at making sure they feel loved (and not just by being in the same room with them and never showing them physical attention or talking with them)

Relationship with your CHILDREN: you have to WORK at building an open-line of communcation with them, you have to WORK at teaching them how to be a good person, you have to WORK at making sure they feel loved, and on and on....raising children is a big CHORE!

Relationship with your PARENTS: you have to WORK at making sure they are involved with YOUR life and your family.... no parent wants for their child to go off and raise their family and not be involved.... thats why we have Holiday gatherings, so people close to you, outside your immediate family, can share time in your life

Relationship with your FRIENDS: you have to WORK at being there for them when they need you and listen to their problems and help them work things out.

deposit 2cents please...
 

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LOL, you guys are hyserical. I did not think I hit such a nerve with my post. Nott too bad for my first post in like 6 months huh lol ;)
 

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It turned out that my wife wnts the 125 gallon, she was just angry with the fact that we had to much stuff and not enough rom for the tank. My thread I posted before was a big misunderstanding LOL. Needless to say I am starting a new 125 :)
 

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Yay! I hoped there would be a happy ending. So what, are y'all going to have a big garage sale now?

(PS, people are sometimes generally selfish. sometimes we need to wake up and realize other people have needs too, and since we love them, we will want to put forth the effort to give them what they need, too. I know I have to continually work at this because I am so lazy!)
 
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