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The Muddy Mod
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Discussion Starter #1
My dad comes over, maybe once a month, has a cup of coffee with me, a bit of small talk, then he goes up to my son's room and plays video games for the rest of his visit. :confused:

My mom only comes around on major holidays, or when my daughter is home. :confused:

My only goal as a parent was to be a better one than mine were. It was easy. :agree:
 

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Premium Member
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Both of my parents are gone and I have regrets about not seeing more of them in their later years. Do whatever it takes to see them more. It's too late after they're gone.
 

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Sailfin
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Both mine are gone, too... my mother before my first son was born... we all had a good relationship, but I'd give anything in the world to have been with them more, shared with them more, spent more time with them when THEY asked and not just when it was convenient for me as a young adult... I'll always miss them, and always remember our good times, and wish there'd been more.

And it's only natural that we want to do and be better for our children... so did my parents want to do and be better for us, as well - Parents quietly wish for their children to reach out to them more, to be the initiators of some of the "together time"... and now that my sons are grown, I understand that wish.
 

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I love my parents and luckly that they are living with me so I can take care of them. I think that it is not only showing your love to them, caring and respecting them, but also it is our responsibilities to take care of them when they need us.
They deserve the best of everything we can give them.
Kevin
 

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Tang Lover
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argh..hehe..tough topic for me.

My dad...well, I value that he truly is one of my best friends. But sometimes, I wish he was more of a father when I was younger. Not even sure that's a good description. He never gave me rides anywhere, never really got me school clothes, etc. But he was ALWAYS there to listen when I had problems...or give me advice. So I guess of the two, I got the most important one. But sometimes, still wish he'd done some fatherly duties. But I still love the guy, and have a blast when we're together.

My mother, well..that's a whole 'nother story! haha. My mother's Bi-Polar (and a little Schitzo too). Not figuratively...literally. Very hard to deal with sometimes. I basically block it out...but she can be a living tornado at times. Try to avoid her at all costs...but occasionally, the guilt gets to me, and I try to let her back in my life. Within minutes, she's under everyone's skin, people are fighting each other, everything gets turned upside down, and I regret having brought her back into my life (as I said...she's a living tornado), and remember why I cut her out in the first place. Month's go by, the guilt comes back, and the cycle repeats.

But thank god for my dad and his side of the family. They are the most loving happy people I know.
 

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I lost my step father last year and wish I spent more time with him. As for my mom I talk to her every day via phone and see her about every weekend. As for my father and step mother I talk to them everyday and they live in Jersey. I wish I could see them all more but with the wife, children, work and their busy schedule, its hard to see them more.
 

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My Mom and I survived some really rough times when I was a kid. My step father was a paranoid schitsophrenic(sp?) and an alcohalic. Extremely violent and mentally abusive too. Hes been gone for a while and she and I are very close.
My biological father wasnt much more than a guy I would see one week a year as a kid. Never agreed with anything I ever did and wont speak too me due to some issues I had as a teen. Ive tried to get some type of dialogue going but to no avail. My step mother runs the show and has never liked me so she wins. No loss. He wont even see his Grandkids. His loss. My in-laws are great and fit the bill for my kids perfectly and I have a huge family on my Mothers side. We lack for nothing in that area!!!!!

Robert
 

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My parents are gone also, I have to say i was like You Butch at a time in my life when I said I wanted to be a better parent. I alway said that. My dad never saw Shelby or Jacob and my mother died when Shelby was a baby. But now when I look back alot of the problem was me and not my parents at all. I am glad that in the end I did get to know my parents. They did the best they could I think with what they had. Life is short.
 

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My mom and dad were in all honesty my best friends. I lost my mother in 2001. Was the worst day of my life. Fortunantly I was able to spend the last 2 weeks of her life with her and laff and giggle till the end. My dad is still alive and kickin and we have grown even closer in the past few years, I wouldnt say we ever were not close just seems as an adult I can see what he was doin and sayin when I was younger. Most ppl cringe at the thought of becomin thier parents but I can say that I am proud to be just like my dad. He and my mom always had food on the table and a roof over our heads.

Notice I say dad and mom? Anyone can be a father or a mother takes someone special to be a mom or dad.

With this I will shut up.

Spend all the time possiable with them who knows when ya will get that phone call.......

Stand up and be proud and be or try to be a Strong example for your children
 

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Retired Wanderer
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My dad was the top man at the Naval Academy. I left home the day after high school after playing four sports and getting a lousy 3.7 average GPA while working did not cut the mustard.

My old boy's network appointment was not right...so went and enlisted and did time with some good men on submarines.

That explain being the black sheep of the family just a little?

Meanwhile later on some chick dumped her four year old (not mine) on my porch. He is 21 and assistant manager at Sav-On, going to college and has a ten year old Beemer. Just gotta turn it around and give a little....nothing else you can leave behind but your legacy when the worms eat you.
 

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Hmmm..well I always had an excellent relationship with my mother, could talk about anything, she was the group mother for my friends and everyone loved her. I used to get a little upset that she was a bit passive and let other people's lives be more valuable than her own but we both understood that we had two different personality types and took it in stride. She died of cancer when I was 16 (am now 24) which was really hard because of my father...

My father's relationship with me was lackluster. He couldn't be a disciplinary figure and a friend, he didn't know how. He thought he had to be the master of the house to be a good father and so there wasn't really any relationship there when my mother died. He never really tried to get to know me so he didn't understand who I was and how that differed from him. He was also slightly abusive verbally and physically but he got better about the physical part the longer he was out of the marine core...

My father and I are a lot a like in stubborness except I am a bit more willing to give in for the sake of peace (get that from my mom). Despite a rocky relationship, I did let him back into my life and forgive him to the best of my ability. He did the best he could even if it wasn't always the right way. I now talk to him about once every one or two weeks on the phone. His wife is a pretty decent person and we talk for hours on the weekends but honestly, I can't live with the woman, just too much conflict in personality especially since those two put me in the middle of their wars with each other when I lived with them. Yeck!

I do love my stepbrother (14 years old) and we are very close. I am the one person he can talk to especially about being a teenager and having to live with my father and his mother, poor kid. I love everyone and we all get along well but it was an uphill battle. However, family has always been extremely important to me so its worth the effort and letting go of the pain from the past.

The one time family is NOT worth the effort in my opinion is when they are still a drag on you emotionally. In that case, I do believe in cutting the ties at least until things change for the better.
 

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Geez Butch.....getting all PERSONAL on us. : )

I lived with my grandparents from the time I was 14. Ill spare you(and I) from any more details there. It was a good thing as my grandfather was the epitomy of everything any good man wants to be as well as THE finest man I have ever known. My mother passed away when i was 20. And in the last 3 years both of my grandparents have passed away and my father and I are closer than weve ever been. He lives just ten miles away and I talk to him and/or see him every day or two. He has changed a lot and is a HAPPY and proud new grandfather.
 

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I was raised in a great family environment and both my parents have always been a support to us. We always try to get together whenever we can. even with them being a few states away I still hang out with my older brother up here and the rest of the fam lives down there and all of us are close... I probably would not have made it through Jr. high without their support. I guess i was really blessed in the end. My mom quit working and came home to raise us kids. my father spent time with us and was always there. the most interesting thing was the dicipline we were raised with, by the time i hit my mid teens my parents simply told us that we knew right and wrong and as long as we behaved ourselves they didn't make any rules... when we messed up, we lost privledges and freedoms. it worked out very well and endered us to our parents for showing trust and respect for us... all in all we turned out well.
 

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I love both my parents, but it's a bad idea to put my dad and I in a room for more than 15 minutes...... We have clashing personalities, and my dad doesn't know when to back off. Caoineag(my wife) plays ref between the two of us.....
 

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Protect the Worlds Reefs
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Well. Its strange how in our adult years we can look back with a clear vision and study our relationships with our parents. My dad was a top drill instructor in the Navy and was enlisted adn went to vietnam. He was in the navy for 25years, hence Why I was born in Orlando Florida. He was a tough father and was strict, but also loved us deeply. He took me fishing and showed me all about cars etc. My mother, a stay at hom for most of our lives, would just give you the shirt off of her back. super sweet and nice. In fact, you will never hear a curse word out of her mouth. On the other hand, my dad was a sailer:) Somehow that relationship works and they are still alove and have been married for 48 years. I have two older brothers and an older sister and none of us went into the service. We are all fairly close and we are all EXTREMELY BLESSED to have this time together. I only hope to be just that much or more to my two kids. I make sure they know I love them more than anything and that I will always be there for then no matter what this life brings. And boy, can this life brings so stuff at ya!
 

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I must be really luckly. I have a great relationship with my parents and for the most part, always have. I spend as much time as I can with them and when I bought my current house, it is only two houses away from my parents house.

I wish I could be as good a father to my son as my father is to me.
 

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The Muddy Mod
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Discussion Starter #20
First off, sorry if I'm stirring any bad memories for anyone....

Ok, maybe a bit of detail of my growing up? My mom had me when she was 15. My dad, 19 and the typical drunken sailor of the times, did "the right thing" and married her. Something went wrong and she could never have another kid. Her sister, my aunt, had all girls. As soon as the oldest was old enough to take out, she used to drop me off at my aunts, and take my cousin around to her friends and introduce her as her daughter. I was never kissed. "GERMS" my mom would say. I moved out as soon as I graduated at 17 and , other than my wedding, I never again saw my mom until my daughter was born 10 years after my marrage. Now she's around for holidays as long as my daughter is home from college. To this day, I truley believe that, if she could have gotten away with it, she would have dressed me in pink dresses.

Better save my dad for another time, eh? :rolleyes:
 
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