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· Premium Member
19,379 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Good morning TRT,

I could say good evening and get away with it, as this is my 3rd time up (Tuesday nite or Wed morning, you decide) due to what seems to be a little sleeplessness after the attack of the killer mutant Palyotoxin... ... I will have to check Silverplatter at Washington University to see if there is a documented set of effects for this.

OK, so to relieve the "I cannot sleep" cycle, I DO have a new (very punny) joke...

The Gorgeous Redhead

A man is dining in an Italian Upscale restaurant and notices there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table (Alice?? nnnnaaaaahhhhhh.... :D ). His attention is held captive by her beauty and charm. He has been checking her out since he first noticed her, but lacks the nerve to break the ice.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out and grabs it out of midair. The two lock eye(s) for a moment, and he stands up, walks over to her table, sits down and hands it back to her...

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams (a 1000 gal reef...) and he shares his (a coral farm in the South Pacific...). She listens intently, fascinated, hanging on every word.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap... ...and breakfast...

They had an absolutely wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet omlet of shrimp and cheeses with homemade bagels with strawberry cream cheese, freshly ground Colombian coffee and little hand-made blueberry tarts. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!

"You know," he says, "you have been so wonderful to me, the dinner, the theatre, all the wonderful things we shared last night, now this incredible breakfast! YOU are the perfect woman to me. I have to ask though, are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies...

Wait for it...

It's coming...

The suspense is killing you, isn't it? :rolleyes:

She says...

"You just happened to catch my eye."

:funny: :funny: :D :p :D :funny: :funny:

Yup, not enough sleep, that palyotoxin must have some neuroactivator complex associated with it...

· Administrator
61,575 Posts
HMmmmm Thomas, that was clever, but heres one I kinda like

Dear Tide:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used
it forever since my Mother told me it was best. In fact, about a
month ago, while at my mother-in-law's house, I spilled some red
wine on my white blouse. She started to berate me and accused me of
having a drinking problem. One thing led to another, and I ended up
with some of her blood on my blouse as well. I used liquid Tide
with bleach alternative, and all the stains came out!!

They came out so well that the DNA tests were negative! I thank you,
once again, for a great product.

Well, gotta go; I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

· Registered
722 Posts
Thats pretty funny. Tom I need to know exactly what coral "bit you" I work nights and that stuff might come in handy on my drive home....heck you might have a marketable product there.


· Super Moderator
36,024 Posts

Hey Doug, did you get some of that same dose of Palyotoxin as Tom? hehehe

You two should be fined big time for those. Where is the blue light that Dick uses anyway? eheheheheh

What a way to start a day, guys!:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Good Mawin' TRT from the Upstate of SC.

Tom, I hope you feel better soon.

Love and hugs and peace to all of TRT!

· Super Moderator
24,564 Posts
Mornin All!
Tom, don't Bogart the zoo's,,,pass em around,,,:D
another cold "June " mornin here,,,,geeeez,,,quess if it's cold OR hot we are gonna complain about it,,,,,
last day of b4 i start on a slew of 12 and 16 hr days fer a while,,,oh well, more funny money for my vacation in Aug.,,,,:D :D
everyone have a great day,,,,:)

· Registered
937 Posts
Good Morning TRT :D

Up and at 'em... gotta get past this 'hump' day :) (don't know if those jokes are the way to start it tho') :funny:

· Crazed Fish Whisperer
3,063 Posts
Morning all! Off to day 3 of work for me! Man, I am sure looking forward to the weekend!

Calvin - I'll get a check off in the mail soon bro! ;) heh heh

· Registered
3,412 Posts
Mornin mornin... I'm headed to the school in a bit . asia's last day, so they are having field day, relay races, food, etc... should be fun.

So the CEO of Kentucky Fried Chicken calls up the pope.
Your excellancy, as you may know, KFC has been goign through some hard times recently. and i was wondering if you could change the lords prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to: "give us this day, our daily chicken" Then i belive that people will eat more chicken, and KFC will once again rise to the top of the fast food market.

The pope says, well that would be unethical of me, the lords prayer has remained unchanged for years.

The ceo of KFC says, tell ya what, i will donate 100 thousand dollars to the mission of your choice if you can do it. but, the pope isn't swayed.

a few weeks later, the CEo calls the pope again. Dear father, would you please reconsider changing the lords prayer to say "give us this day our daily chicken" KFC is falling more and more in debt. If you can do this for me, i will donate 500 thousand dollars to to any mission of your choice. but the pope isnt swayed.

a few weeks later the ceo once again calls the pope for his final plea. Your excellancy, i beg of you to please reconsider changing the lords prayer to say "give us this day our daily chicken" if you do, i will donate 1 MILLION dollars, AND 25% of KFC earnings for 5 years, to the vatican, or the mission of your choice.

The pope considers it, and decides that it sure is an awful lot of money, and could help a great number of less fortunate people around the world. so he says it's a deal.

Later that day the pope calls a meeting with his top cardinals and bishops. "Gentlemen, i have good news and bad news. The good news, is that KFC has offered us 1 million dollars, plus 25% of their earnings for the next 5 years, if we change the the lords prayer to 'give us this day our daily chicken' so i agreed. The bad news is...." And his top cardinal pipes up and says , "i guess that means we lost the Wonderbread account"

:funny: :funny:

· Banggai Mommy
2,637 Posts
Good morning! All the puns this morning remind me of when I worked for the Red Cross. Sometimes, donors were a bit skittish, so we'd distract them with the worst jokes known to man. :) They had to be short, though. (And clean.) Anyway, to continue the punniness this am...

So, did you hear about the 2 peanuts down in the park last week?

One of them was assaulted! (insert groan here)

And they can't find the nut who did it!

But when they do, he's gonna roast!


· Registered
152 Posts
Morning! Happy Hump Day! Well, we got all that western rain today...kind of yucky outside.

Glad to see everyone is in good spirits! Geoff and I watched Nemesis last night (finally). Not bad!

Wish I could contribute to the joke parade this morning...but I do have a thought for the day:

Inner Strength

--If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
--If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
--If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
--If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
--If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
--If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
--If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
--If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
--If you can conquer tension without medical help,
--If you can relax without liquor,
--If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
--If you can do all these things,

Then you are probably the family dog.


· Super Moderator
36,024 Posts
:funny: :funny: :funny: prolly so, Nikki!

So far all is well at the library, but we get really busy around here in the summer. Need to wearh athletic shoes.

· TRT Staff The Mominator
11,825 Posts

Good morning, folks! Thanks, I needed the laugh (?) ;)

Tom, I am beginning to wonder...first you say I was your inspiration when you were writing a page-long post on algae, then you think of me when you're posting a joke about a woman with one eye who takes home a guy on their first date. I'm not quite sure how to take that! Hmmmm.. :funny:

Nikki-great thought for the day and so true!

You all have a good day,


· Super Moderator
24,564 Posts
Nikki,,,,,you said it all there,,,:funny: :funny: :funny:
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