vent

[512148048]

well i can safly say i dislike the judical system now. right now i am housing a foster child that well im very close to along with her brother and sisters the reason she is in foster care is because her step mother is abusive. what got then taken into foster care waas an incident where her 12 year old brother was beaten wiht a belt buckel for 15 minuts straight untill there was a 2 inch long gash in his face. well to make a long story only 1/100th of the evidence was put against her becasue the lawyers were freaking stupid and waited too **** long. well she has really messed up her step childern for life and she isnt being punnished for any of it as much as it pisses me off i cant believe what my foster sister is going threw she is already suicidal, depressed, cuts and well mentaly scared from the woman. i have talking with her for over 2 years now and she still wont accept help like i did. i suffer from depression disleixia and add they really did a # on me in school it is jsut hard to function rihgt now even with the meds. any one else have to help a friend like this or has any one got advice to help her help herself?!?! i have tried everything i know of to push her towards it and so far i cant seem to budge her to admit she needs help im just afraid to leave her alone at times.

[Doug1]

512, Man I feel so bad for everyone, child abuse is a terrible terrible thing, and I feel your frustration with the legal system, it often seems that the ones who need their help the most are the last to recieve it. After several years my son got custody of his daughter from a non functional mother. Miracles do happen, not always but often enough to keep after your FS, keep being as supportive as you can, hopefully she will reach out for help at some point.
I applaud you for working thru your issues, and doing what you want to do in spite of the shi**y hand you have been dealt. I have struggled with post stress from an abusive childhood all my life, mostly an abscent father who was overly disciplinarian, that of course drove my rebelious streak, which led to falling into the same trap my dad did, not beating my kids but going in the service. That didnt last long, but my adventures after that offshore escalated the cycle till I came back and walked away from that world, after 6 months in a self induced stupor , I pulled my head out, got together with an old girlfriend and got on with my life. After 34+ yrs I have it mostly worked out, so hang in there

[VWD]

All I can say is that I feel for You, The courts are a joke along with the whole judical system. The only people that have any rights in the court system are the one that break the laws. Thay waste so much time and money.

[512148048]

thank you both for your support its funny that the only real people im comfortable talking wiht is people i only know because of my hobby thanks for the advice doug im just afraid to wait for her to let some one help im afraid it will be too late... i guess the only reason i dont do anything is because she lives with me i really dont need bad blood in the house i guess i just dont know how to handle this i just hope one of us gets the courege to ask some one to help her im jsut so contfused to why she will not accept help i know i had to be forced to get help should i try pushing her harder to get help

[Doug1]

An abuse cycle is so hard to break, victims often retreat and think that the problem is with them and over time they think they deserve it, or they are afraid to come forth for various reasons. You may need outside help to break thru and get her on track. Its not easy but you can't give up. Look at how far you have come

[Mrs Smith]

The cycle of violence is a horrible, horrible thing. And yes, it is incredibly difficult to break. I'm a crisis domestic violence advocate, and I meet my clients in the emergency room after an assault. There are lots of resources out there... what you might do is to call your local DV shelter and ask. We have a network of shelters here (most cities do), which not only provide shelter, but also recovery, therapy, case management, group work, and individual counseling. (And for the record, family violence generally qualifies for DV services.) If nothing else, they might be able to point you in a direction where she can get some education - and you can get some support in supporting her.

And honestly, if you are worried about her hurting herself, she needs more help than you can give her. I don't envy your position, but there are people out there who really want to help... you just have to find them.

We also have a court advocacy system here for domestic violence that's run through the shelters. Many cities have similar systems dedicated to child abuse cases. Check out http://www.nationalcasa.org/ and see if that is something that might help.

Good luck,
Danielle

[wharyat]

It seems like you are doing an excellent job keeping afloat with your situation; continue what your doing, sounds like you're a very devoted brother.

The legal system in this country disgusts me, my sister just went through a job working as a victims advocate in the DA's office in a certain county. From the stories she tells of how some of these lawyers treat their clients; I can't imagine how they actually live with themselves from day to day.

I sincerely hope you solve your problems, it sounds like it might happen any day now.

[Doug1]

Thanks for the input Danielle, I knew someone here had experience from the helping side