testing, just ignore this thread

[tdwyatt]

Doug said I had to do something off the wall, but this prolly would not count as that...




Bill is sitting at the bar and pulls out this tiny little piano and a little guy about a foot tall. The little guy sits down and starts playing the piano quite beautifully. The fellow on the next bar stool, Joe, says, "That's amazing. Where did you get him?"

Bill replies, "well I got this magic lamp with a genie when I was shopping in an antique shop, I rubbed the lamp and the genie appeared and granted me three wishes.

Joe thinks this is great, so he asks, "Could I use it?" Bill thinks for a moment, then agrees and hands him the lamp. Joe rubs the lamp and out comes the genie.

The Genie says he'll grant Joe three wishes, to which Joe responds, "I want a million bucks!!!" Suddenly the room is entirely filled with quacking ducks! Joe exclaims, "Hey! I asked for 1 million BUCKS! not DUCKS!"

The genie is oblivious to Joes comment, but Bill explains "'Yes, you see, the genie is a bit deaf. You don't think I really asked for a twelve inch pianist do you?"

[Alice]

Q. Why are pirates so popular?

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A. They just arrrr.

[Doug1]

For shame for shame

[tims]

[tims]

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something
exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first student the teacher called on was Johnny. He walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of
chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was.
"It's a period," he replied.
"I see that," said the teacher, "but what is so exciting about a period?"
"Darned if I know, he said, but this morning my sister was missing
one, Mommy fainted, daddy had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the army".

[tdwyatt]

Originally Posted by Alice

A. They just arrrr.

(heavy sigh...)




tit for tat

A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall, and was intrigued with a sign which read, "$10,000 per minute." Seeking out the pastor, he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that the golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven, and if he pays the price, he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way.

As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Portland, San Deago. LA, Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, Milwaukee, Indianapolis, Memphis, New Orleans, Nashville, Knoxville, NewYork, Philly, Washington DC, Raleigh, and around the United States, he found more such phones, with the same sign, and the same explanation from each pastor.

Finally, the man arrived in the lovely state of South Carolina, in the old port city of Charleston. Upon entering an old Episcopalian church, behold: he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read: "Calls: 25 cents"!

Fascinated, the man asked to speak with the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone, and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven, and that I could use it to talk to God. But in 20 other churches, the cost was $10,000 per minute. Your sign says 25 cents per call Why is that?

(I just love this part!)

The pastor, smiling benignly, replied: "Son, you're in the South now, and it's a local call...

[VWD]

Well now I know You can only have one tread that starts with a Red X, I started one that way and it failed , Thank everyone for the try to get it rolling, and I am sorry TDWyatt for trying to steal Your tread, I won't let it happen again, I hope I never do it again.



Vince

[tims]

A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day
she calls home and a strange woman answers.
Wife: Who is this?
Maid: This is the maid.
Wife: We don't have a maid.
Maid: I was hired this morning by the man of the house
Wife: Well, this is his wife. Is he there?
Maid: He's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I
assumed was his wife.
The wife is fuming. She says to the maid, "Listen, would
you like to make $50,000?
Maid: Of course! What will I have to do?
Wife: I want you to take my gun from the desk and shoot
him and the woman he's with.
The maid puts the phone down. The wife hears footsteps,
then gunshots, then more footsteps.
Maid: What do I do with the bodies?
Wife: Just drag them out and throw them in the swimming
pool.
Maid: There's no pool here.
A long pause....................................




Wife: Is this 832-4821 ?

[Casey]

Tim I dont have my glasses!

[tims]

better?

[Casey]

YES!

[tdwyatt]

Just before the playoffs there was a contest running for fans with a prise of courtside tickets for the winning person from each of the last 8 schools in the playoffs, Of course seat one was Carolina, seat two was Duke (go figure). If seat three was Illinois, then what are four and five?







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...four and five are nine...

[tims]

[tdwyatt]

Heh! I am easily amused!

I still laugh every time I read that!

[tims]

here ya go tom...

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible".

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine"

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now".

"Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really".

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye".

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird doo-doo?"



"It was my first day with the hook"