testing, just ignore this thread

[Doug1]

Jon if them er had been in a book 40 years ago I woulda been lot better off

[SeaDog]

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics,
this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers
are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were
spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now.
Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high
should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a
man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party
and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and
ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish, as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can help," and "I Can't Get enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next Apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the
closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh

[icebear]

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke,
when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off
the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any pharmacist.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local pharmacist and
announces

to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The bloke, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is,
after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she
prefers.
"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.

[SeaDog]

[Doug1]

Oh My

[tdwyatt]

Originally Posted by icebear

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it started to rain...
~~~
"Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.

That must have been a Weenie of a Pharmacist straight out of school...





An older gentleman Pharmacist was working late on Saturday afternoon when a 7 y/o boy walked up to him and requested a 3 pack of condoms. The Pharmacist looked at the boy for a moment, smiled and said, " I don't think they come in your size, young man," To which the boy immediately responded...















"WELL THEY STRETCH, DON'T THEY???"

[Doug1]

Hehehehe, tho you know if a real mod peeks in here we are all in trouble

[tdwyatt]

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"


The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail. Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"


Then the lady reached into her purse without speaking and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture, then replied...








"Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription..."

[icebear]

[tdwyatt]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool, groaning the entire time with obvious pain. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"


"No," he replied, "arthritis."

[tdwyatt]

only 10 more to hit 800...

[icebear]

9?

[tdwyatt]

I guess with THIS post it will be 7...

[SeaDog]

I just checked, I'm thinking only 6 to go

[tims]

NOOO only 5