testing, just ignore this thread

[Doug1]

Perry, thats a good one, nice setup and POW

My brain is so fried right now I can't dredge any puns out of my head

[cath]

Originally Posted by Phishnoob

In addition to fish I read an article on birds now and then. I believe the longest migration of any bird is that of the Arctic Tern. In any case, there was a gigantic marijuana bust down in Central America and they set up huge piles of plants in the middle of fields which were set on fire. A migrating flock of the birds flew over the policemen and in the course of the investigation no Tern was left Unstoned.

[tdwyatt]

Roy Rogers was interviewed a few years about hisretirement and what he was doing during hes idle days. Part of the way through the interview the reporter asked Roy about his new boots. "Yes sir!, those are the newest snake skin boots with the nicest rattlesnake skin ever seen here in Texas!" Roy was obviously quite peased with the boots, as the conversation skipped from one topic to another, Dales cat (a large 20 pounder) pounced into the room, grabbed one of the boots and ran under the couch in the room. Everyone began to try and coax the cat out from under the couch, but to no avail, Four of the camera crew guys decide to lift the couch off the floor, assuming someone would then be able to catch thecat, but as soon as the cat was visible, he ran out of the room and out of the house with the boot.

Roy bolted into action, grabbing one of his 44's from its holster, took quick aim, and bagged the cat...

The crew members went out and picked up the defunct cat and the partially chewed boot, brought them back to the house, then asked...







"Pardon me Roy, is that the Cat that chewed your new shoes???"

[tims]

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m.

One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri."








"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri doc."

[tdwyatt]

Two termites walk into a bar.

One says to the other, "Is the bartender here?"

[tdwyatt]

Originally Posted by Doug1

Jeez if I could find my key ring I would lock this

You had your chance, now...


beware the power of the DARK SIDE...

[Alice]

Warning: Groaner of the day......

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

[tdwyatt]

Originally Posted by Alice

Warning: Groaner of the day......

... he replied: "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

oouuuuuuu... that's good, VERY good...





Little Billy goes to school after playing hooky for a day, but when Johnny sat down, Ms. Smith, his teacher, speaks to him directly.

"Well little Billy, the rest of the class had a test on their "D" words yesterday while you were out, and although they had 30 minutes to do theirs, YOU will need to do it now verbally! I need you to make a sentence with each of the following words: detail, defense and defeat." She turned away, knowing that Johnny had been fishing that day and did not study.

Little Billy thought about this for a moment, and then stood up and said:











"Defeat of de cat went over defense before detail..."





Sarah, the class nag, goes on to invent a bakery chain speciallizing in cream filled desserts

Ms. Smith becomes disinfranchised with education, and develops a line of frozen pasteries.

Little Billy completes school, attends Caimbridge as a paid schollar, and becomese president of the United States, using his many childhood experiences to his advantage...

[Casey]

[cath]

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says 'Do you know how fast you were going?' Heisenberg says 'No, but I know where I am.'

Oh Alice....I think you won on that

[Doug1]

OK The locksmith is on his way over

[Phishnoob]

So over in France as you know snails are eaten as we cherish our buffalo wings and potato skins here in America. One snail decided he would not end up in the overstuffed tummy of a gourmand and got a small toy electric car and painted a big S on the back.


His bewildered friends saw him cruise on by..stopped him and asked what he was doing...he replied that when the snail hunters attempted to catch him they would yell "Look at that S Car Go!!!"

[JennM]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says......




"Why the long face?"

[JennM]

A string walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. The bartender ponders for a moment, and informs the string that he will not be served. Bar policy... "We don't serve strings here, sir."

Undaunted, the string leaves the bar, hides in the alley, ties himself into a bow, and unravels his ends into a pretty arrangement.

He walks back into the bar, sits down, and once again, orders a beer.

The bartender, perplexed, looks at the "Bow" and says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here."

The string looks at the bartender and says.........




"I'm not a string...... I'm a frayed knot"

[Junkzoo]