testing, just ignore this thread

[Loverotties]

Originally Posted by Phishnoob

Hey did Robert write that???

lol!That's how I type!

[david426]

I only got one right, I knew that the black box was orange. Back to school for me!

[tdwyatt]

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert

This actually started the craze of crank phone calls to tobacco sellers, then most public institutins:

An actual call to the Spartanbirg Co. Library AV Desk...
Q: "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?"
A: "Why, Yes we do!"
Response: "Well, you better let him out, he's suffocating!"

[FishDaddy]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

Miss Nancy would obviously have trouble with these:

Originally Posted by Mrs.Phishnoob

New High School Exit Exam, you only need 4 correct to pass.
(Passing requires 4 correct answers)
What do you mean, you failed? Me, too. (And if you try to tell me you passed, you FIB!)

Of course I failed! You have to actually know history to answer those!

Dick

[Doug1]

I passed, barely

[VWD]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest..
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$250?" she cried, "$250 just to tell me my duck is dead?"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat scan, it's now $250."

[tdwyatt]

That was good, Vinnie, I thinks I will use that professionally...



Isn't that a Victoria's Secret Bag???

[Doug1]

Originally Posted by VWD

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest..
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.

He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.

As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$250?" she cried, "$250 just to tell me my duck is dead?"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat scan, it's now $250."

Heres a thought Cynthia..................

Hey I am just saying

[Doug1]

Bubba Ray had shingles. Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line.
Here's what happened to Bubba Ray:
Bubba Ray walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba Ray said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba Ray what he had. Bubba Ray said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba Ray to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba Ray what he had. Bubba Ray said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba Ray a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba Ray to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba Ray sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba Ray what he had.
Bubba Ray said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'

Bubba Ray said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

[VWD]

Good one Doug!!

[VWD]

How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb

---

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been
changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the
light bulb could have been changed differently

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

1 to move it to the Lighting section

2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light
bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another

6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term
is "lamp"

15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light
bulb" is perfectly correct

19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please
take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light
bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where
to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for
this technique and what brands are faulty

7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the
corrected URL's

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to
this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including
all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they
cannot handle the light bulb controversy

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions
about light bulbs"

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and
start it all over again.




I got this from another forum, Thanks Darren, it still cracks me up

[Loverotties]

Originally Posted by Doug1

Bubba Ray had shingles. Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line.
Here's what happened to Bubba Ray:
Bubba Ray walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba Ray said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba Ray what he had. Bubba Ray said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba Ray to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba Ray what he had. Bubba Ray said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba Ray a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba Ray to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba Ray sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba Ray what he had.
Bubba Ray said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'

Bubba Ray said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

Wish I could get rid of mine that easy!

[Loverotties]

I got me a new DSLR camera today.

It has the fastest shutter speed of any camera ever made.

It is so fast, it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut !

[Doug1]

Originally Posted by Loverotties

I got me a new DSLR camera today.

It has the fastest shutter speed of any camera ever made.

It is so fast, it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut !

Ooooooooh you are gonna burn for that one

[Loverotties]

Originally Posted by Doug1

Ooooooooh you are gonna burn for that one

I get burned for less!And you can't say you don't either.