testing, just ignore this thread

[tdwyatt]

...I know someone named "Butch"









Butch the Rooster


John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young laying hens (known as "pullets") and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

After several months of meticulous and labor-intensive record keeping (that took most of his free time), John decided on a new strategy. He bought a set of tiny "jingle" bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell them apart from a distance. This would tell him which roosters were performing well and how often. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. This gave John a great deal of satisfaction and free timie to pursue other endeavors.

Everyone always as favorites in their work and play, and John's favorite rooster was old Butch. A very fine specimen he was, too, outproducing every rooster Joihn had ever had. However, on this particular cool fall morning ( just after seeing the Orionids...) John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing as they ran through the yard. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover, often escaping the amorous approaches of the bulk of the roosters, but to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had taken his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the Spartanburg County Fair and Butch became an overnight sensation amongst the judges and farm patrons alike.





The result... The judges not only awarded Butch the No-Bell-Piece-Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet-surprise as well.

[Phishnoob]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

...I know someone named "Butch"









Butch the Rooster


John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young laying hens (known as "pullets") and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

After several months of meticulous and labor-intensive record keeping (that took most of his free time), John decided on a new strategy. He bought a set of tiny "jingle" bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell them apart from a distance. This would tell him which roosters were performing well and how often. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. This gave John a great deal of satisfaction and free timie to pursue other endeavors.

Everyone always as favorites in their work and play, and John's favorite rooster was old Butch. A very fine specimen he was, too, outproducing every rooster Joihn had ever had. However, on this particular cool fall morning ( just after seeing the Orionids...) John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing as they ran through the yard. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover, often escaping the amorous approaches of the bulk of the roosters, but to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had taken his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the Spartanburg County Fair and Butch became an overnight sensation amongst the judges and farm patrons alike.





The result... The judges not only awarded Butch the No-Bell-Piece-Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet-surprise as well.

Well I did keep reading knowing what I was in for.

[Doug1]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

I think this one is for Doug:

From the international reading desk:
from Australian Shooter Magazine ...

(exerpt from the entire letter):



Based on these statistics, the conclusion we need to draw from this letter is: The US should pull out of Washington .

No argument from me

[Doug1]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

...I know someone named "Butch"









Butch the Rooster


John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young laying hens (known as "pullets") and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

After several months of meticulous and labor-intensive record keeping (that took most of his free time), John decided on a new strategy. He bought a set of tiny "jingle" bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell them apart from a distance. This would tell him which roosters were performing well and how often. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. This gave John a great deal of satisfaction and free timie to pursue other endeavors.

Everyone always as favorites in their work and play, and John's favorite rooster was old Butch. A very fine specimen he was, too, outproducing every rooster Joihn had ever had. However, on this particular cool fall morning ( just after seeing the Orionids...) John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing as they ran through the yard. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover, often escaping the amorous approaches of the bulk of the roosters, but to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had taken his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the Spartanburg County Fair and Butch became an overnight sensation amongst the judges and farm patrons alike.





The result... The judges not only awarded Butch the No-Bell-Piece-Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet-surprise as well.

Tom you may have outdone your self this time

[david426]

There's a bear in the woods eating some mexican food. A lizard walks up and says, "How's that mexican food." The bear says, "You can have some, but I have to warn you, it's really hot!" The lizard helps himself and says, "This is good. This is really good but, oh man, it's hot!" The bear says, "The river is right at the bottom of the hill, go get yourself a drink of water." The lizard says, "OK, i'll be back!"
The lizard walks down the hill to the river to get a drink. As he's drinking, an alligator swims up. "Hey lizard, what's up?" The lizard replies, "there's a bear up there with some good mexican food but it's really hot!" The alligator says, "that sounds good, I'm going to go up and see if he's got any left." So the alligator walks up to the bear.
"Hey, you got any of that mexican food left?"
The bear looks up and says,













"HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK???????????"

[VWD]

LOL, good one David

[tdwyatt]

One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest as the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.

Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.

Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse.

Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first.

Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.

Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.

Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father what happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile.

Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it!'.

The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'

[Doug1]

Touche'

[tdwyatt]

A noted psychiatrist was a clionical expert witness for a recent congressional hearing on mental health at which Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi asked him a question with which she thought he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'

[tdwyatt]

I believe that the curse of read-it-once-and-remember-it forever mkese some of us have huge repertoires of useless trivia. For example:


In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb, hence we have 'the rule of thumb'


Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.


For many years, it was considered unethical for television to broadcast couple in bed together. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.


Every day more money is printed by Parker Bros. for Monopoly than real paper money by the U.S. Treasury, but that was before Nobama.


Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.


Coca-Cola was originally developed as a medicine by a pharmacist ans was colored green.


It is impossible to lick your elbow.


The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska


The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%. (Now getthis) the percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%.


The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400


The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000


Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..


The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.


The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.


Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar


111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321


If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes


Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.


Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
A. All were invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day


In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'


It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink.. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.


In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' Although there are several different theories on the origin of the phrase, it's thought that this is the most likely source of where we get the phrase, "mind your P's and Q's"


Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill , they sounded the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Don't ignore this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Ctah tlod me tihs, amzanig huh?


...And YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7.. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

14.. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 or 13 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 or 13 on this
list

[david426]

Wow; cool. I bet Gene Simmons could lick his elbow though. One also cannot stick ones elbow in ones ear.

[Mrs.Phishnoob]

A horse walks in to a bar
and the bartender says
'so why the long face?'

[Mrs.Phishnoob]

New High School Exit Exam, you only need 4 correct to pass.
(Passing requires 4 correct answers)
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass. Check your answers below






....ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?Dogs
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8) What color is a purple finch ? Crimson
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?Orange (of course)
What do you mean, you failed? Me, too. (And if you try to tell me you passed, you FIB!)

[fchidsey]

i failed.

[Phishnoob]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Ctah tlod me tihs, amzanig huh?

Hey did Robert write that???