testing, just ignore this thread

[Phishnoob]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

A Una-ite from Spartanburg County went to the dentist for the first time complaining of dental pain, only to find out that he had gingivitis so bad that he was going to lose a number of teeth. After the extraction, the dentist decided that the best way to give this unfortunate patient functionality was to place a dental plate in and attach artificial teeth to it. The procedure came and went, but upon return at 3 month follow-up, to the dentist dismay the plate had almost dissolved, with the new teeth close to falling out on their own. The dentist questioned the patient to find out if there was anything that he was eating or doing that might account for this dissolution of the plate, to which the patient replied that the only change in diet was that he had discovered hollandaise sauce, which he now liked so much that he put it on everything. The dentist requested a sample of this particular sauce the patient was using, then tested it on some different plate materials. The original plate material definitely dissolved when the sauce was left on it, so the dentist set about testing several different materials: stainless steel, several plastics, nickel, silver, gold, many other metals as well, but all dissolved with the exception of chrome, which seemed to be impervious to the culinary delight. The oral surgeon presented the info to the patient, but told him that it would probably be very shiny and noticeable, but the patient was not dismayed by this, even was delighted, so long as he could continue to eat his hollandaise sauce. So the dentist set to work and fashioned the new plate, put the teeth in, then fitted it to the patient, who was absolutely delighted to have functioning teeth.

Six weeks later, the patient came back for the follow-up. The dentist checked the new plate, and the patient’s new teeth, and they were perfect, no problem whatsoever, even though the patient had been consuming large amounts of hollandaise sauce still. The dentist told the patient that they teeth were great, and that the plate was holding up well, but just to be sure, asked him if there were any issues anyway.

The patient then said, “Doc, I love the teeth, and they are holding up so well and fit perfectly, but I am getting a little tired of the chrome plate and its shine, it keeps showing up every time I smile or talk; is there anything you can do, maybe something else for the plate material?"

The Dentist replied, "No, unfortunately not, we tested many materials and found...





...That there's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise."

Okay I am not sure if you will permit me to speak for the group, but that was just painful.

[Doug1]

Originally Posted by Phishnoob

Okay I am not sure if you will permit me to speak for the group, but that was just painful.

I got your back Perry, that one took 2 drinks to get through

[FishDaddy]

Originally Posted by Phishnoob

Okay I am not sure if you will permit me to speak for the group, but that was just painful.

Who's got the Super Strength Excedrin????

Dick

[tdwyatt]

I guess that if I can elicit at least a groan from you, I've done my job.

[cath]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

I guess that if I can elicit at least a groan from you, I've done my job.

Groan! All that from a Una-ite

[tdwyatt]

I have too much time on my hands...

[Phishnoob]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

I have too much time on my hands...

Mel must be excited all the construction projects are finished.

[tdwyatt]

We can only dream...

[brodydude]

tested...and failed

~BZ

[quader94]

welcome to TRT brodydude !

[tdwyatt]

Homilies that teach us the lessons of life:



Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor..

Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in
front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.

“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me???”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident craning his neck to get a look (must’ve been Catholic…). After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again.

The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily, got out of the car, and went on her way.

The priest drove on like a madman, with curiosity regarding the Psalm 129 driving him nuts. With his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to find a Bible to look up Psalm 129. He flipped the book open to find the Psalm, which said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.




Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to an early lunch one afternoon when they found an antique oil lamp laying in the gutter next to the sidewalk. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, “You’ve released me from the captivity of the lamp. I’ll grant each of you just one wish.”

“Me first, me first!” says the admin clerk “I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”

Puff! She’s gone and there is a momentary whiff of ocean and the sound of a powerboat and seagulls.

“Me next, Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”

Puff! He’s gone and there is a momentary sound of waves crashing and a whiff of cocoanuts.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch…”

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.




Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”

The eagle answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.



Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull, “they’re packed full of high-energy nutrients..”

The turkey looked at the bull with disbelief, but pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at t he top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree, took him home, and cleaned and roasted him for supper.


Moral of the story:
Bull $h!t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.



Lesson 6:

A little bird had delayed flying South for the winter and had gotten caught in an early fall snowstorm. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, thinking this was the end, a passing cow came by and added to his misery, dropping some dung directly on top of him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out and he might survive this incident. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate this singing pile of cow dung. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who $h!t$ on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of $h!t is your friend.
(3 ) And when you’re in deep $h!t, but you’re warm and happy, its best to keep your mouth shut!

[tdwyatt]

not too long until we hit 100,000 views. I wonder if the vBull will blowup like it did when Doug1 hit 1000 posts...

[Phishnoob]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

not too long until we hit 100,000 views. I wonder if the vBull will blowup like it did when Doug1 hit 1000 posts...

It might be like Y2K all over again.

[Doug1]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

not too long until we hit 100,000 views. I wonder if the vBull will blowup like it did when Doug1 hit 1000 posts...

Originally Posted by Phishnoob

It might be like Y2K all over again.

Y2K was easy compared to the early days when I hit 1000 posts and the board "lost" me

[4kay2day]

A fella fairly new to farming decides to breed his pig. So he loads her up in a wheel barrel and takes her down the road to the local pig breeder. He asks the breeder how much to breed the pig and the breeder tells him it's 35.00. Well he thinks that's to much so her loads her back in the wheelbarrel and takes her furhter up the road to the next breeder. This one says the cost is 25.00. and still the farmer thinks that's to much to pay. So off they go further up the road were the next breeder wants 15.00.
Well he still thinks this is too much. But he's tired. So he pays the 15.00 gets the pig breed and puts her back in the wheel barrel and takes her home. The next morning the farmer tells his wife Ethel look out the window and tell me if you see any little pigs running around. Ethel looks out the window and tells the farmer no. No little pigs.
The farmer get really angry and says he should have paid the breeder that wanted 25.00 because the cheaper one did not work. So now he puts the pig back in the wheelbarrel takes her to the 25.00 breeder gets her breed and brings her home. The next morning he asks his wife again. Ethel look out the window and tell me if there are little pigs running around. Ethel looks out the window and says no. No little pigs.
Well now the farmer is furious, He's now paid more than the 35.00 he should have paid to start with. So he puts the pig back in the wheelbarrel takes her to the breeder pays the 35.00 gets her breed and brings her home. The next morning he asked Ethel to look out the window and tell him if there are any little pigs running around. Ethel looks out the window and says No. But the pigs in the wheelbarrel.