testing, just ignore this thread

[Doug1]

Oh I have to have one of those

[tdwyatt]

I just report what I hear, and I've been saving up...




Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.


What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts


Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.


What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.


What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.


What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs...
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.


What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife


Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.


Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you


Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
'Are you sure it's mine?'


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.


Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.


Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


Where does an Irish family go on vacation (my family...)?
A different bar.


What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment


What's the difference between the Atlanta zoo and the Cincinatti zoo?
The Atlanta zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe...


How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"


What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time...", while a Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s4!t..."




I'll be expecting an email from Doug any minute now...

[Doug1]

Tom Tom Tom, I Jenned my monitor

Bad Tom

[jenglish]

Did you guys hear about the new Denny's breakfast in honor of the Octuplet mom?



Sorry, you will hafta google the punchline or I will get the fish slap too

[Doug1]

Originally Posted by jenglish

Did you guys hear about the new Denny's breakfast in honor of the Octuplet mom?



Sorry, you will hafta google the punchline or I will get the fish slap too

I saw this one "over there" and now I can't remember it, prolly for a good reason

[jenglish]

Originally Posted by Doug1

I saw this one "over there" and now I can't remember it, prolly for a good reason

I actually had a class presentation where the speaker, told that joke. It was somehow funnier hearing it from a guy in a suit.

[tdwyatt]

I guess you'd better send it to me then Jeremy!

My wife's family is from Pennsylvania and says this is a true story...


An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you for the problem I see," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee", replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people would consider that to be a problem as well, so you should have your husband check that as well."

"Again I thank thee," said the woman, " I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on immediately.

"Also," said the Amish woman. "The policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake..."

[Doug1]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

I guess you'd better send it to me then Jeremy!

My wife's family is from Pennsylvania and says this is a true story...


An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you for the problem I see," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee", replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people would consider that to be a problem as well, so you should have your husband check that as well."

"Again I thank thee," said the woman, " I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on immediately.

"Also," said the Amish woman. "The policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake..."

Good thing I put a plastic bag over the monitor, I Jenned it again

[tdwyatt]

I think I'll solve the financial crisis by inventing an anti-Jenning coating for monitors...


...maybe a windshield wiper apparatus.

[Doug1]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

I think I'll solve the financial crisis by inventing an anti-Jenning coating for monitors...


...maybe a windshield wiper apparatus.

hmmmmmmmmm Royalties

[tdwyatt]

In a time where so much is being made about our first black president, Ann Coulter made the following observation in her column of 2/25/2009:

Originally Posted by Ann Coulter column Feb 25, 2009

” …but as long as the nation is obsessed with historic milestones, no one is going to remark on what a great country it is where a mentally retarded woman can become speaker of the house?”

http://www.anncoulter.com/cgi-local/...gi?article=299

I like Ms Coulter and her conservative (OK, maybe semi-reactionary) POV, and appreciate her no-nonsence journalism, but sometimes her analogies are a little over the top, even for me…



...maybe rather than say that Ms. Pelosi is "retarded," maybe just that she's occasionally plain stupid might be a better description...

...I'd say that she's a Democrat,too; but that would be redundant

[Doug1]

Hand Slap

Hey Tom, I caught an episode of a show called Voyages, I think it was on History Channel or similar, anyway it's a history of Bavarian Motor Werkes Very interesting stuff

[jenglish]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

...maybe rather than say that Ms. Pelosi is "retarded," maybe just that she's occasionally plain stupid might be a better description...

...I'd say that she's a Democrat,too; but that would be redundant

Easy Tom, I do have lists of conservative jokes I can break out. I don't think after the last Republican president we want to make retarded jokes I wouldn't have let that guy change my oil.

[tdwyatt]

Jeremy, you'd enjoy the movie "W"

...probably Oliver Stone's finest work...

[three90s&125sump]

I thought I was a democrat for about 27 years then I figured out I was a republican. All you have to do is think about WHAT you want to have done (not HOW to get it done) and THEN listen to them. There was a servey done a few years ago where they asked people if they were democrat or republican and then they asked them several yes or no questions and as it turned out alot of the people who said they were democrats answered the questions like a republican but very few of the people that said they were republicans answered like a democrat. I'm sure that someone with a computer could find it online or find a mock survey.