testing, just ignore this thread

[Sambo]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

can't say, 'cuz if I did, it would ruin the test...

This is beginning to resemble a moment from 'Lost
'

[Sambo]

Anyone a Douglas Adams fan? Remember Arthur Dent pushing the red button that says 'Do Not Push This button'? And the little light that lights up to say 'Do Not Push this button again!'???

[tdwyatt]

Heh, good call on the Douglas Adams, I think there is a new "Hitchiker's guide...." movie on the market but I've not been able to see it yet.

[tdwyatt]

not sure if this is actually the real list for this year, but I found it amusing, and lack the desire to verify this particular subject, so take it with a grain of IO...

2006 DARWIN AWARDS

In case you haven't received them yet, here are this year's Darwin Awards -- the annual honor given to the person who improved the "gene pool" the most by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen. And the candidates this year are...

* IN Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

* A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

* Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

* Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

* Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION:

* Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

* TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER:

* Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that once again proves that 'Sh**t happens'..."

[tims]

heheh not bad tom.
the NC one is real. it was in the paper awhile back

[tdwyatt]

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers

Tower: 'Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"




Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"




From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft:"I said I was f..ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"



O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329:"Approach, I've always wanted to say this..I've got the little Fokker in sight."




A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"

Student: "When I was number one for takeoff..."





A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.

"American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport..."




A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English)"I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"




Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"

Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."

Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."





One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with: "Why YES! I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one..."





The German air controllers at Frankfurt are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206:

Speedbird: "Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfort before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, seven times in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't land..."




While taxiing at London/Gatwick Airport, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming in clipped British accent: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!" Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, God! Now you've screwed everything up! It 'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly WHERE I tell you, WHEN I tell you, and HOW I tell you, YOU GOT THAT US AIR 2771?"

"Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:

"Wasn't I married to you once?"

[Fly Guy]

FUNNY Tom.

I especially liked "wasnt i married to you once???"

My dad is a few hours shy of getting his pilots license.....forwarded to him of course.....

[tdwyatt]

Heh! It's funnier for the pilots in the audience, because EVERY airport seems to have some of this going on...

[Sambo]

Have you all seen this one??

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...26441742307086

[FishDaddy]

That video is funny, Sambo!! It ties in well with this one from Tom's post:

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich, overheard the following:

Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."

Lufthansa (in English)"I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

Classic!!

Dick

[Casey]

[JennM]

Originally Posted by tdwyatt

2006 DARWIN AWARDS

I'm not man-bashing - honestly - but have you ever noticed that almost ALWAYS the dubious distinction goes to MEN?

I live in the land where a lot of guys' famous last words are, "Watch this..."

Jenn

[Doug1]

"Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfort before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, seven times in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't land..."

OMG thats CLASSIC

[Scuba_Dave]

I don't know how many of you know of the "reputation" of the Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles. I had to go in to the Registry to clear up a problem, I had received an excise tax bill (road use tax) on a car I had owned the prior year.

I went in and explained that the car had not been on the road this year, I no longer owned the car.
The car had, in fact, been stolen last year.
Without missing a beat she immediately said "You have to turn in the plate Sir, or you will be charged the excise tax"
I didn't say a word, just stood there
She looked up at me, light finally dawning...a notion of what I had said forming
As she looked at me I finally replied " That's Right, they stole the plate Too!!

Here's yer Sign

[VWD]

This is the true just ignore this thread!