Some of these have been around awhile but it's worth a chuckle
> Idiot # 1 I am a medical student currently doing a
>rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
>Today, this woman called in very upset because she
>caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
>reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
>would be no need to bring her daughter into the
>hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
>conversation happened to mention that she gave her
>daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the
>ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
>into the emergency room right away. Here's your
>sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
>
>Idiot # 2 Seems that a year ago, some Boeing
>employees on the airfield decided to steal a life
>raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
>getting it out of the plane and home. When they took
>it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter
>coming towards them surprised them. It turned out
>that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
>locator beacon that activated when the raft was
>inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
>Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint
>might run.
> Idiot # 3 A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
>America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a
>stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
>standing in line, waiting to give his note to the
>teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
>write the note and might call the police before he
>reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
>America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
>waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to
>the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising
>from his spelling errors that he wasn't the
>brightest light in the harbor, told him that she
>could not accept his stickup note because it was
>written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
>he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
>deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking
>somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He
>was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting
>in line back at Bank of America. Don't bother with
>this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
>
> Idiot # 4 A motorist was unknowingly caught in an
>automated speed trap that measured his speed using
>radar and photographed his car. He later received in
>the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
>Instead of payment, he sent the police department a
>photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
>letter from the police that contained another
>picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately
>mailed in his $40.
> Another sign (though this guy might be onto
>something worth thinking about)!
>
> Idiot # 5 Guy walked into a little corner store with
>a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash
>drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
>robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind
>the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put
>it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
>said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
>robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to
>give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this
>point, the robber took his driver's license out of
>his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked
>it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
>and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran
>from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
>called the police and gave the name and address of
>the robber that he got off the license. They arrested
>the robber two hours later. Remind me to have more
>signs printed up. Give this guy his!
> Idiot # 6 A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record
>shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one
>shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
>startled first bandit shot him. This guy doesn't need
>a sign; he probably figured it out himself.
> Idiot # 7 Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer
>pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a
>cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
>some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block
>and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
>block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
>head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor
>store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event
>was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts. Give him
>his sign!
> Idiot # 8 Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime
>column reported that a man walked into a Burger King
>in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun
>and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because
>he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
>food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
>clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
>man, frustrated, walked away.
>
"A BRW Original"
