Family Problem

[MontanaRocknReefer]

My daughter called me Sunday and said that the State took my grandson away from my son. I guess my grandson told the teachers at school that my son treated him badly. I won't go into details on this but it is not good.
This is a scenerio where my son had my grandson by a former woman and then my son married a woman with a daughter already and then they had a daughter between them.
I talked to my son on Sunday and he is really bummed out about this. He also apparently had a mild stroke/heart attack Saturday with all the stress in his life right now. He is way to young to be having these physical problems(29 yrs old).
He has to go to the hospital for some more testing on his heart and do a stress test. He then has to go to court over his son and from what I gather, he told his former girlfriend she could have complete custody of his son as he was tired of his son getting him in trouble.
My grandson had three fights at school and his language is terrible according to the principal and the bus driver who kicked him off his bus!
It really bums me out as well as I grew up with a father who was an abuser and I did my best to raise my kids so as to put an end to child abuse in our family.
I try to keep an upbeat attitude and I am here for my kids to listen to them but at the same time stay out of their problems!
Sorry just had to go somewhere!

[FishDaddy]

Johnny,
I am truly sorry for the problems your son and grandson are having. Nothing pains us more as parents than to see our children/grandchildren not doing well or hurting. Even worse, is when we feel helpless in these situations. All you can do is let them know you love them (which I'm sure you do) and pray that things will be better. I hope your grandson gets the help he needs.
Regards,
Dick

[MontanaRocknReefer]

Thanks Dick! Good to see ya around!

[eaglelox]

Johnny I am so sorry this is happening to your son. Hope everything will work out right. Its a shame the state has the power to move in without knowing whats going on, but at the same time they often need that power to intervene in other really bad situations. Its a catch 22. When things are bad at home (heart problems) kids often lash out or release their anger that is pent up inside, not knowing the consequences of their actions.God bless and get that kid back where he belongs.

[JennM]

{{{{Hugs}}}} Johnny

This was not your doing. We all make choices. You chose not to emulate the behavior you grew up experiencing. For that you are my hero. Sounds like your grandson has a few issues on the go, and he's choosing to act out, at everyone else's expense. You are a kind and loving man, everybody who interacts with you on this forum knows that. Your son and grandson are having problems, and I admire you for being there for them. I will keep you all in my prayers that things are resolved as they should be. It's the hardest job in the world being a parent. Sounds to me like you broke the cycle, be proud of that, and just your being able to talk about it and lend support to your son and granson are wonderful attributes.

I hope your son's health issues are resolved too. Perhaps one resolution will follow the other.

Love
Jenn

[MontanaRocknReefer]

Thanks guys! Hey Jenn! I don't want to be a hero, just want my son and grandson to be happy! Kids need to be heard!

[ShirleyM]

Well, Johnny, first of all, heartfelt hugs for you and Pat!

Jenn said everything I was going to say, and she said so well!

You would not believe the stories I've heard through the years as a teacher, and you wouldn't believe how many times a truly abused child will stand up for their parents no matter what, and the ones who are not abused make the false accusations. I have no clue what the facts are in this case, I'm just sharing what I've seen and heard from students. I've had some of the NICEST kids say mean things about their parents, none of it turned out to be true, but it got my attention for the moment. I didn't call CPS because I didn't feel I had substantive reason to do so.

You take care of yourself and Pat and your son and granddaughters while this is being worked out, and hopefully your son will be healthy enough to hang in there for his son. We'll be thinking of you and remembering you all in our prayers, Johnny.

Shirley

[Doug1]

Johnny, sorry to hear about this development. I know some of the pain you must be going thru as i have a grand daughter that son doesnt have custody of, that is involved in legal hassles, The helpless part is the worst
Hopefully he regains his health and it all works out , Thoughts and prayers all around

[Alice]

Just love them and listen to them Johnny. That's about all you can do and it may be just what they need.

I hope it all turns out for the best.

Alice

[Junkzoo]

Big hugs to you and Pat, Johnny . without repeating the same thing , ditto on the prior posts,,,be tough Buddy, hang in there, we are here if you need us. 'nuff said,,,,,

[Ichthus]

Johnny: as a probation officer I usually see the abusers and have little sympathy for their stories about how they miss their babies bacause they were taken away from them even if they sexually abused them or whatever.

But... I also deal with our Child Protective Services and sometimes I do believe that they take away the children w/o a true assessment about what is really the best thing to do. Many times they do get them out of a bad situation, but they often take them away too quickly sometimes. Children can be strange characters in these situations. They can say things that they really don't mean, or that really did not happen.

Have Faith my friend. I have no doubt that they will realize that he needs to be back safely with his dad. I will pray for you and you son, but mostly for your grandson that he will be given a peace during these hard times.

[m3rma1d]

Dear Johnny,

I dunno if I should be writing this...but I'm going to anyways, and maybe my post will get erased, I dunno..

In June of 2000, I was making lunch for my 3 children.

My daughter Saffron who was 2 & 1/2 at that time, climbed up and unlatched our window, and she fell out. We lived on the 3rd floor, and she broke her leg. (she was VERY CLOSE to landing on the bricks, in which case....well I don't like to think about that)

I had a neighbor come over to watch my other two kids, and I ran barefoot with my hurt baby in my arms to the hospital a block away.

Once there, the docs started screaming at me, and the state workers came into my apartment much to my friend's surprise and grabbed Jasper & Indigo and whisked the away upstate as I screamed in the ER with my daughter, because they didn't know yet if she had more injuries then just the broken leg, and I knew I was going to have to say "goodbye" to my life as a mom.

I spent 3 days in the hospital while they kept her on observation, then they came and took her from my arms, and I was all alone when I got home, all the kids toys/clothes/etc just staring at me.

See, I was a ward of the state as a kid, and so they had they're eyes on me. I was doomed you see, it's an awful cycle, one screw up-accidental or not- they come and grab the babies & give them to another family.

The state, for the most part, sucks. I don't care what state you live in, I have never heard anyone prove me wrong.

I see parents beating their kids in the super-market, but if they drive an S.U.V. it seems to be ok...

If, however they are a lower-class, more on the uneducated side, unmarried, non-traditional family....well any combo of those things will screw them, no matter how good they care for their children.

I never hit any of my kids once, I made them wholesome meals -never from a box- I washed their clothes & kept the house tidy. I read to them, I played with them, I taught them things.

I did fun things with them that most mom's probably wouldn't have done (You want to paint with peanut butter & jelly? Ok....here's some pita bread, just eat it when yer done!)

I did everything as perfect as I could considering
A: No one ever showed me HOW
B: I was ALL ALONE, 21 years old, with 3 kids
C: I had no family

Some days it's hard for me to get out of bed. I think of the children I lost every day, and I miss being a mother more than a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. And though I want more kids one day, I still don't know how I'll do that without having a tremendous amount of guilt hanging over in a cloud the rest of my life.